someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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