In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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