Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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