How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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