My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
