my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize