After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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