The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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