You work out of a Hotel?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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