Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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