yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm really busy with my period
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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