his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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