It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
