somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so much tequila, so little girl.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
