Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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