i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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