Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
