....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
