There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
