hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize