My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
