Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
