Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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