College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
