I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
