sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
