You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
whose parrot is this?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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