Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
id be glad to
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
