How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
