He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
