4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
