I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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