my soul wont recognize me after tonight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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