does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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