smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
