They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
