Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
