Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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