if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
