Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
