maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My life is pants optional.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
