So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize