Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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