just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
