I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
