you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
