I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
