WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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