That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
