just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
