she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
