I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will be naked everywhere
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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