My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
