Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
