we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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