so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
