I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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