I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
