Im at strip club and am horny
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
