But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize